The North Valley Tailor

1

“If you don’t believe, you are going to weaken the connection to the other side,” said Allegra applying a fresh dab of dark purple lipstick. “So if you are going to just giggle through the whole thing go play Candy Crush till we’re done okay?” 

Lakyn and Riley joined Allegra in staring impatiently at Gabi, the 4th girl sitting in their circle. The young woman was contentedly playing whatever game was on her phone. 

“Gabi!” said Riley giving her friend a stiff elbow.

“Ow, Riley! That was my boob!”

“If it weren’t so damn big I might hit something else.”

“Girls!” Lakyn spoke with authority. Gabi and Riley settled down. “Go ahead Retro.”

Back home Allegra would have never been friends with these girls. The Dumb Blondes, as they called themselves, were literally college cheerleaders. Each of them was a pretty, blonde-haired, blue-eyed California girly girl. Precisely the kind of girls that Allegra and her best friend Jarod, who painted his nails and snuck into Rancid concerts with her, would have hated growing up.

Allegra left Jarod behind and had been going to school in California for a semester now. She already felt a dramatic shift in the dynamic of her life. First, it was hot on the left coast. Ungodly hot. It was no wonder these girls all walked around in tank tops and short shorts in January.  

She first noticed the Blondes watching her as she worked out on the treadmill. Later they approached her in the shower, that is while she was naked in the shower. They were trying to find a short enough athletic girl who could learn stunts, when guys throw girls in the air and catch them, and invited her to try out. They awkwardly implied that she had a great body but that, with a wardrobe upgrade and some sun, she would be really hot.

Allegra was initially insulted, but Lakyn was in one of her classes and started talking her ear off as though they had been friends for years. Then they were all meeting for lunch, which was awkward because these valley girls were all legs year-round in their skirts and shorts. It made her feel like an overdressed, sexless monk in her leather jacket, jeans, and boots.

Today though, Allegra was back in black. She wore a girl-cut vintage Black Album era Metallica T-shirt over a violet long-sleeved athletic crop top with cuffs she could hook her thumbs into. Her long legs were wrapped in stylishly ruined striped hose, tiny Levi shorts that had been altered by Lakyn, and her favorite Dr. Marten work boots. 

Every piece of clothing she owned had mysteriously gotten shorter since she met the Blondes. If they didn’t take the scissors to her clothes as she was wearing them, Allegra would find newly altered attire in her dresser after they visited her apartment. 

Riley had unbelievable abs and was always pulling up the hems of her friend's shirts to see their stomachs. She had attacked Allegra’s tops with scissors so that no matter what she tried to wear her belly button was always showing. At least the little gymnast was careful not to destroy the silkscreen print on Allegra’s prized band shirts. 

Most of Allegra’s jeans had not survived the dreaded “tailors from the valley” either.  It was an unwritten rule between the 3 of them to show off as much leg as they possibly could at all times and Allegra was no exception. Lakyn made it her mission to get Allegra's “baby giraffe” legs out in the sun and had turned all of her pants into shorts that would make Daisy Duke turn pink.  

Her new friends always seemed to be conspiring to get her naked, but they were very nice about it. Allegra was shocked by how many guys approached her while she was in their company, but the Blondes ran interference unless she showed interest in someone, which she hadn’t. She was their friend and they wanted her to themselves for now. 

Allegra adjusted her black fedora. She used a fire starter from her kitchen to light the candles at the center of the spell circle, an ornate rune made up of smaller circles, triangles, and illegible text. in the very center was a large star with many points, decisively more than 5 so that it couldn’t be mistaken for a pentagram.

On top of the spell circle was a thick foamy pad with a Ouija Board printed on it. Barb, Jarod’s mom, had given it to her for Christmas when she was 15 and thought she was a druid. She began again. “Girls, tonight we’re  going to…”

“You look really pretty Alley!” Gabi interjected.

“O M G totally hot!” said Riley. “Like when Taylor Swift was a Goth.”

“...or Taylor Momsen. They’re going to be here next month. We should dress up like sexy vampires and go see them!” Lakyn chimed in.

“Um… that would be fucking awesome actually.”

“Taylor Sharpe!”

“You always say I look like a Taylor.” Allegra pondered pulling the black bridal veil back over her face. With a big smile, she commanded. “Now all of you shut up!”

The girls fidgeted but obeyed and gave her their attention. She passed the fire starter around instructing them to light the candles in front of them. Allegra took a deep breath and closed her dark-painted eyes. She moved into a more comfortable sitting position, hovered her silver pendulum over the Ouija Board,  and spoke quietly “Gabi, Lakyn, Riley?”

Allegra waited for the wave of giggles to subside before she continued. “Tonight we are going to contact the spirit world to ask questions and seek guidance. I hope to speak with a specific spirit tonight…”

“... we will give him time to arrive. In the meantime, I will tell his story to draw him to us.”

Allegra opened her eyes to see that she had the girl’s attention. Riley looked bored, but Gabi and Lakyn were leaning forward. “Ladies, now I’m going to tell you about Geoff the Voyeur.”

@CountryMouse